


*Kill Bill Sirens*

by griffle



Series: Listen, I can explain [11]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But Thomas Jefferson would watch Naruto, Chatting & Messaging, Crack Treated Seriously, Discussion of Abortion, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Multi, Talking about abortion, Talking about fetishes, Texting, cursing, like vaguely, shit is about to go down, talking about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23873401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/griffle/pseuds/griffle
Summary: AH: I found out.JM: Send me the document, you fool.AH: No. It's___In which truths are, inevitably, revealed.
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Adrienne de Lafayette/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton & James Madison, Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette & Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Angelica Schuyler & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler & Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, George Washington/Martha Washington, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Series: Listen, I can explain [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1007724
Comments: 16
Kudos: 69





	*Kill Bill Sirens*

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so annoyed y'all, the tags won't let me edit new ones on mobile.
> 
> So anyway I hope y'all are staying safe and staying home. I'm moved back with my folks, cause life, but trust me, I'm not going on hiatus. Not now. 
> 
> Anyways, If you haven't read the tags: Shit is about to go down. Everything is vague enough, I believe, that I chose to still keep it Teen, but, please, please, regard the tags.

TB: HEY LAFAYETTE GUESS THE FUCK WHERE I AM

GL: …about to murder me?

TB: NO BUT YOU HALF GUESSED IT

TB: I'm buying fucking plan b at the 24 hr pharm for a stupid bitxchh because she forgot what the holy fuck a dick does and got fucjing stupid 

TB: MEANWHILE another stupid buch with the fucjing dick should of wrapped their stupid dick before fucking the other idiot several times and definitely should of known better because they know what the fuck a dick does. But maybe the stupid BUTAH IS AN IDIOT

TB: HEY LAFAYETTE ARE YOU AN IDIOT

GL: In this moment, yes. 

TB: OH GOOD YOU AT LEAST NOW THAT

TB: YOU'RE GONNA VENMO ME MONEY FOR THE PLAN B AND TOMORROW YOU AND ADRIENNE ARE GOING TO MEET ME AT THE CLINIC SO I CAN MAKE YOU TWO GET STD TESTS AND THEN MAKE YOU BOTH BUY CONDOMS 

TB: AFTER I RIP YOU BOTH NEW ASSHOLES BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK WHERE YOU THINKING 

TB: YOU SHOULD OF KNOWN BETTER 

TB: IM GIVING HER SOME FUCKING SLACK BECAUSE SHES A FUCKING IDIOT DIASTER BUT YOU. YOU SHOULD OF FUCMING KNOWN BETTER. 

TB: BE AT YOUR DORM ENTRANCE TOMORROW AT SEVEN OR I WILL GET FUCKING BARRY TO SURGICALLY ATTACH A GODDAMN ELECTRIC CAGE TO YOUR DICK AND BALLS. 

GL: Yes ma'am

TB: FUCJING DIASTERS 

* * *

GL: So. I might die. Just a heads up, Alex, initiate The Plan if you don't hear from me around 3pm.

JL: lol, ominous much? 

  
  


JL: Laf? 

* * *

AH: So I heard from Eliza who told me what happened 

GL: I know, I know

AH: Hey Laf? Remember when you freaked out on John and I when we got drunk with Eliza? 

GL: yeah

GL:... didn't you say you'll only slightly judge me on my mistakes? 

AH: Mistakes yes. 

AH: Almost big fuck-ups are another story. 

GL: Ah. 

AH: I'm coming over. 

GL: Great. 

* * *

AN: hey

GL: Hey

AN: so. Your friends tearing you a new one?

GL: yup. You?

AN: oh yeah

AN: But I would like to reiterate- I definitely remember mooossst of it? I definitely remember consenting. And 

AN: well, the orgasms. I definitely remember the orgasms. You're really good with your mouth. 

GL: so are you

AN: lol thank 

GL: But they're right I should of known better, I'm the one attached to the stupid thing. I should of thought it out, or taken a step back or something. 

AN: yeah, but 

AN: no? We were both drunk. And then not drunk. And you asked like, four or five times and I kept saying yes, remember? Like Iiterally shouted FUCK YES the last time and yeah K was nervous when we first did it but the third time and beyond were really fucking amazing. And yeah we did a REALLY REALLY dumb thing but also I liked the REALLY REALLY dumb thing. Which I do need to process the whys and how and like, but the date itself was super fun and nice and I really liked talking to you. You have a nice laugh. 

AN: And sure, maybe that isn't the way to go and I shouldn't condone that behavior, but I definitely consented and I don't have regrets, except maybe we should of bought more condoms and I should of stretched a bit more in the leg and jaw region but like, I don't blame you and I really like listening to your laugh. I like your laugh? I can't help but think about your laugh cause I like it so much. 

GL: I. Really?

AN: yeah, it's like bold and colorful and just totally you. I love it. 

GL: Well. I. 

GL: I still should of known better. I'm sorry, I was an idiot. I should of been a better person. 

AN: Ok, I see 

GL: pardon? 

AN: There's only one way for us to do this. 

AN: Where's your address? 

GL: Why?

AN: Let me reiterate- you at your dorm or hiding at Maria's?

GL: You don't have to worry about me, Adrienne. I'm fine. 

AN:So Maria, dope, I owe her a favor and I can barter that shit. 

GL: I'm fine, really. 

AN: Is she leaving? 

GL: Yes? How do you know that? Is that you at the window?

AN: I want to be romantic please let me in I think this branch is going to crack and I wanna make out with you before I unleash my perfect plan

GL: omg 

* * *

JM: So

TJ: ?

TJ: Oh hey, where are u?

JM: Currently walking back from the library from studying. 

TJ: Aww, cute, studying. 

JM: Not All of Us have the Lexile level of 1588. Some of us need to read the textbook again. 

TJ: Excuse u. I read the textbooks today before lunch. Then I finished my homework. 

JM: And yet you barely pass the tests

TJ: You know I don't test well! 

JM: I have a question. 

TJ: ??

JM: Are we not going to talk about how your sister Jane is here? With Peter?? 

TJ: What's there to say?

JM: Maybe, I don't know, Thomas,

JM: Why Are Your Siblings Here. 

TJ: I Don't Know, James. 

JM: What

TJ: It's not like they keep me up to date on their plans, it's Jane and Peter. 

JM: Exactly. 

JM: It's Jane And Peter. God Forbid If Mary And John Shows Up. 

TJ: lol you're making your stank face aren't you. 

JM: Thomas. 

TJ: chill they haven't even tried to get in contact with me, and this is a public place, they aren't that crazy to try anything here. 

JM: But Why Are They Here?

TJ: James

JM: Yes, Thomas?

TJ: I'm borrreeeedd come cuddle with me and make snarky comments with me. 

TJ: I'm watching Friends. 

JM: You like Friends. You watch it whenever you can. 

TJ: Yeah, to rip on the show- and I like ripping the sitcom apart with u. Jammmmeessssssssssss.

TJ: JaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaamessssssssss

JM: I'll be there in 10. 

TJ: *blows u a kiss* 

JM: 6.

* * *

GW: Jane Jefferson- This is George Washington. Please let me know ten minutes before you arrive so I can meet you and an aide to show you to the Dean’s.

JJ: Of course, sir.

* * *

TB: what is this

AH: Theo? 

TB: Alex?

JL: Are we in a new chat? 

HM: What's going on

AN: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP FUCKERS

TB: Adrienne?

AN: HI MY NAME IS ADRIENNE OR ADRI OR FUCKING AMAZING BOSS AND I STOLE MOST OF YALL NUMBERS FROM LAFS PHONE. ALSO TOTALLY GAVE THEM A HICKEY COLLAR IM FUCKING AMAZING

AN: BUT FIRST OF ALL: I GET THAT LAF AND I DID A DUMB THING. LIKE MASSIVELY STUPJD. WE GET IT. WE ALMOSTED FUCKED UP VERY SUPREMELY

AN: BUT ALSO

AN: FUCK YALL FOR MAKING LAF INTERNALIZE YOUR SHOUTING LIKE I JUST MET THEM AND ALREADY I KNOW THAT THEY DO THAT AND MAKE IT ABOUT WHAY THEY FUCKED UP AND THAT SHIT AINT KOSHER

AN: HEY FUCKWADS GIESS THE FUCK WHAT

AN: I CONSENTED.

AN: I CONSENTED ON THE FIRST TIME I CONSENTED THE SIXTH TIME. IT WAS FUCKING RAD. APPARENTLY I REALLY LIKE THE THINGS THEY DID AND IDK REALLY WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION BUT NOW YOU KNOW THAT THIS OL DKYE HAS A CREAMPIE FETISH AND SHE'S OKAY WITH THAT. 

AN: BECAUSE RHE SEX WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND YES WE DID A DUMB THING BUT DON'T YOU FUCKING. DARE MAKE LAF FEEL BAD ABOUT HAVING SEX. I WANTED TO HAVE SEX TOO. 

AN: SO STOP MAKING THE HOT PERSON WITH THE AMAZING LAUGH AND CHEEKBONES SAD. OR IM HELMET YOU

HM: What the hell is helmet you?

AN: I USE MY FUCKING HELMET TO HEADBUT YOU

JL: what the fuck

AH: I want to be friends with you. 

AN:WHAT

AH: Yeah no, we should hang out. Listen, me, and another guy and a professor get shots at this Mexican place on Tuesdays. You in? 

AN: Who else?

AH: You ever met James Barry?

AN: No?

AH: You are going to have a blast. 

TB: D O NOT LET HER MEET BARRY

AN: omg I want to meet Barry 

TB: ADRIENNE NO 

AN: ADRIENNE YES 

TB: ok, first of all, Adrienne, James Barry is that surgeon student that Flo hates, and I was the one who got you Plan B. 

AN: Ok, if it's the student that Flo hates, then I definitely want to meet this dude, cause like, I have never heard of anyone fighting Flo AND Deborah at a queer bar and Winning, and also that Plan B stuff made my stomach hurt. 

TB: Would you rather get pregnant?

AN: Eh, I wouldn't mind

TB: wh

AN: Laf and I talked about that earlier before we made out on my bed and I have them an amazing hickey collar and I would probably have the baby, and maybe keep them. I always said I wanted a family, and I didn't exactly plan to let my spouse be the only one giving birth. And it's not like, really, babies can be born without sperm and yes there's ways but that's not my point. Laf confirmed that they would definitely stay beside me, and if for some reason we would break up, they would make sure to pay child support and help out, so they grew up loved and supported. But tbh- Laf is pretty fucking amazing so here's hoping that isn't going to happen. 

AH: Awwww

JL: Awwwww 

HM: Awwww

TB: Adrienne, you can NOT get pregnant at college! Do you want me to send you those articles again?! Just because you and Laf talked about it doesn't mean you should just have unprotected sex all over the place! JFC! Next time this happens, TEXT ME, and I will bring you to the clinic myself!

AN: Hey Theo? That is not your decision. I'm in charge of my body, ok? So if I want to keep a baby, I'm going to keep a baby. I would like you to take a fucking step back, and get back in your lane. Laf and I are chill, and I'm definitely fucking dating them. Actually

AN: Confirmed: I'm totally dating them. And they have this amazing blush holy s h I t. 

HM: oh my god really?

JL: Laf just texted us a picture!!!

AH: Cono, you fucking did a number to their neck. 

AN: Thank you. 

HM: He looks so happy! 

AH: Oh my god we were asses to him. 

HM: I wasn't

AH: Herc.

HM: Okay I used my disappointed dad face. 

AH: We need to fix this

JL: BRB

AH: Wait for us!

AN: Merde Sainte you move fast. 

HM: We may have been in the general area. 

JL: We may of been going to apologize already

JL: Let us innnnn

AN: Chill. 

AN: But I'm not pregnant, and Alex, Tuesday Tequila sounds great. Tell the group that I'm fucking down to clown around. 

AH: I swear, you're going to love Barry. He likes places with shitty tequila, and ripping cishets off in pool.

AN: oh fuck Y E S

* * *

AH: LAF WERE SORRY WE WERE SHITTY

JL: WE LOVE YOU

HM: PLEASE LET US IN

AH: WE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU 

HM: AND SHOULD OF STAYED IN OUR LANES

JL: LET US INNNNNNNNN 

GL: YALL ARE RUDUCHHD

GL: why TF am I on the bottom always 

AH: shhhh, enjoy our piled love 

JL: <3

HM: <3

GL: god i love you guys. 

HM: Also we need to properly introduce ourselves to Adrienne

AH: shhhhhh, we will

JL: Enjoy the squad pile

GL: I want to bask in your all loves. 

AH: shhhhhthatsimproperenglishhhhhhh

GL: shhhhhidontgiveafuckhhhhhhh

HM: lol

* * *

AN: soooo. 

AN: Are we gonna talk about this? 

TB: what

AN: You wanna explain why the fuck did you get all text screamy at Laf? 

TB: I think I was right to get mad at them

AN: And I disagree. Yes, we did a dumb thing, but hey Theo? It takes two to tango in bed. 

TB: I know that

AN: And yeah I panicked because I'm a bit of a dumb lesbian but...I didn't really hate it? I- 

AN: I'm off track. The point is that I don't think you should of went down as hard as you did on Lafayette and that you owe them an apology

TB: ???? They almost got you pregnant

AN: Hey Theo! Remember when I mentioned the amazing sex! Like, I wanted it? 

TB: You also apparently forgot about how a dick will ejaculate if it's attached to a person and not on a harness, so I'm questioning your logic capabilities right now.

AN: okay, so I kind of deserve that. That really was fucking mean, and I am offended, but that is a point. But I'm still pissed that you actively tried to make Lafayette feel shitty, which isn't usually like you at all. And really? Isn't okay on so many levels. Also why are babies a bad thing? I like babies, I want to start a family one day, what's the problem?

TB: That!! You say "one day" not now! You have your entire life ahead of you, Adrienne, you don't want to be tied down to a squalling life and unable to take opportunities because you have to put a child ahead of you! You're not ready to be a mom yet Adrienne, you're still in college and living on campus and you still have student loans, not to mention Lafayette is in the same boat. 

AN: Yeah, but we also have trust funds from our eccentric rich grandparents, both would be over the moon if there was a kid. And that's just for the financial point- you're right, I'm not ready really to have a kid and yeah I was relieved that I wasn't pregnant, but who is ready? Like, really ready? Pregnancy is like bungee jumping or 

TB: You shouldn't get a kid if you think it's like paragliding

AN: Instead of literally jumping off a cliff with only a light piece of fabric and metal to keep you aloft while you try and ride the wind, it's all metaphorical. 

TB: Adrienne

AN: Theo, I don't understand why on Earth are you acting this way- seriously, what is going on? 

TB: I'll apologize to Lafayette. 

AN: That's awesome, and You Need To Do That but you also seemed off at the pharmacy too. Seriously, Theo, how can I help? 

TB:...so, this was back in high school, but a friend of mine had a baby due to a drunken mistake. Or at least, she got pregnant. She was like, in all my clubs and most of my classes in school, and she even had a scholarship for computer programming.

AN: oh

TB: She kept it because her parents said they were going to support her. And she even had plans to go to our local community college so she could still eventually get a degree. And everything was fine until the birth and there were complications and both her and the baby died. 

AN: putain de christ

TB: And working at the women's shelter and the LGBTQ clinic can get...I see a lot of young women who get pregnant and immediately regret, you know? It wasn't their choice to get pregnant, they were pressured into it or just did a dumb mistake and all of a sudden their families or boyfriend or the fucking government is forcing them to keep the baby and make them walk away from their dreams because now they have a child that they have to care for and no one is helping them after the baby is born. Because once it's out in the world, it's not the families or boyfriend or the government problem, its the girl who didn't really want the baby in the first place. And I'm not even going into STDs that could of been avoided if the dude fucking wrapped his dick. 

TB: And maybe I get...a little on edge because of all that. 

AN: That's. 

AN: That's a lot, ngl. 

TB: yeah

AN: I mean, I'm glad you told me, cause I never...saw it like that? I mean, yeah I was panicking, but I don't know, having a family is kind of important to me, cause like, growing up, being gay was considered up there with like, joining a gang or doing drugs. You lose connections and family once you come out. So I always wanted to get married to a woman and have a home and have children with her and raise them in a supportive and loving home to show that, being gay isn't like doing drugs? Like I wanted to be, like, at my kids graduation and with my wife, and pretty much show off the fact that just because I'm a lesbian doesn't make me a deviant. That a kid doesn't need a mother or father, they just need two people who love the fuck out of their kid, and that society can choke a dick. 

AN: and- I'm still?? Kind of low key freaking out because now I met this amazing person who isn't a girl or a guy but is a different identity entirely and they have the best smile and laugh I have ever heard and felt, and I really want to get to know them more. And then we had sex and it was great and that confused me even more. Also the copious amounts of alcohol we both consumed confused me. 

TB: How did that happen? You're usually really good with drinking. 

AN: I got nervous after the play and we went to a bar that had a drinking challenge and we got in second place but we were definitely drunk afterwards. Cause we both kind of forgot to fully eat our meals. 

TB:smh

AN: In my defense? They're really pretty. But- I do see your side in this, Theo.

TB: And...well, I see your side as well. But Lafayette should of known better

AN: why

TB: what?

AN: Why? Because they have different genitals than me? Would you be saying this if they were AFAB instead of AMAB?

TB:...you've been researching

AN: I have. But that's not an answer to my question

TB: Fuck! Maybe? 

AN: And why is that? Yes, I see why you freaked out, but that doesn't use you unloading your issues and fears on someone who may of been feeling anxious and having their own private freak out and then making them cry because they thought "they were corrupting you" and other bullshit that makes me feel sad and I'm trying to show them that it wasn't their purposeful fault. And also, unlike the boyfriends or families you see, Lafayette is my sweetheart and wants to be there for me. And I'm getting frustrated at arguing with you because you can't seem to get through your head that 

TB: What Adrienne Noelle? What? Explain to the masses what I am not getting?

AN: no

AN: Don't text me or contact me unless you want to apologize. To Both of us. 

TB: fine

* * *

JM: Hamilton.

AH: Kinda busy, Madison

JM: Then make yourself un-busy

AH: How about “no and fuck you?”

JM: How about “I can make your life a misery?”

AH: Urgh. Seriously?

JM: You know how to be subtle, yes?

AH:..what are you implying here, Madison?

JM: I am calling in a favor that you owe me

JM: To gather information for Thomas about the meeting Washington is having in the Dean’s office with Jane and Peter Jefferson the Seconds at 2pm. 

AH: First off: No. 

AH: Why? Because Thomas. 

AH: But also- Jane and Peter Jefferson? Why do you need information about Jefferson’s siblings? Aren’t you like, attached to the hip to Thomas?

JM: I don’t subject myself to Them.

AH: Please, Madison, I think almost any Jefferson is better than Prince Francophile Jefferson. 

JM: Hey Fuckander Hamilton,

JM: Have you ever wondered Why Thomas acts like that?

JM: Spoiler: He's not the worst Jefferson. 

AH: Ignoring that insult about my name due to curiosity- you know who is? 

JM: Who are. 

JM: “Who are” Are the ones currently on this campus so you can see why I need to get him out of here. And yes, they're the reason for

AH: for?

JM: They're the reason. 

JM: Jane II, Peter II, and Mary with her husband John Bolling- they're the ones we need to be wary. 

JM: Listen, I know my family's name and we can get into that politics for a long time but those Jeffersons are Bad News. Jane especially- she's notorious for getting what she wants, when she wants it, and she doesn't care who's in her way. She's the worst kind of lawyer. 

JM: Peter is a dumbass, but a dumbass with muscle, and Mary and John Bolling are cowards, but cowards with influence, and all three of them pretty much just follow Jane- that's a problem in itself, because of John's family money and own influence. 

AH: Ok, so they're a quadrant of rich assholes, what a surprise. I don't really see your point, Madison. 

JM: When Thomas was five Jane threw him in the middle of a lake and rowed to shore without him. 

JM: When he was ten they gave away his puppy and gave him a taxidermied version of the same type of puppy

JM: When he was twelve they orchestrated on a camping trip so that Thomas was left in the woods for several days with only his clothes before I found him. 

JM: They're The Reason Why His Phone Broke On Thanksgiving. 

JM: Let Me Repeat: They Gave Him A Fucking Taxidermied Puppy To A Ten Year Old Child. They Are Not Good People. They Are Horrible People. 

AH: Jesus fuck. 

AH: How did anything of this not get reported? Or how come his parents didn't do anything?

JM: Because Technically He's Only Half Their Sibling- Jane The Matriarch Had An Affair And Thomas is Her Favorite, and Also The Favorite Of Their Grandparents. His Father Ignores Him. His Mother Just Spoils Him And Ignores Her Devil Children's Fiendish Ways. And His Grandparents Already Gave Him A Sizable Trust Fund, And Monthly Allowance And Practically Guarantee That He Will Take Over A Majority Of Their Estate- Something That Pissed Off The Others To No End. 

JM: He's Been In A Cycle Of Abuse and Spoiling That It's Fucking Amazing That He Can Be Relatively Normal Around Others. 

AH: Well shit, now this is really explaining a lot. 

AH: So, I take it you don't know why They're here and you want me to find out? 

JM: If They See Me, They Might Try Something, And I Will Do Something I Will Legally Regret. 

AH: huh. 

AH: I mean- interjecting myself into meetings is kind of my thing, so I can do that, sure. What was the Favor again?

JM: [Link]

AH: O h. Right yeah that. 

JM: Yes.

AH: And what would you like me to do with this information once I know it? 

JM: Keep it on your phone- I know you love writing, Hamilton, but trust me, unless you can commit personal arson without letting others be aware, compile the information into a document and send it to me. Minimize the interactions between us. I know this will be hard, but don't draw attention to yourself, Hamilton. 

AH: ha ha

JM: I'm being serious. 

JM: The less you interact with them, the better.

AH: Because they'll figure it out? 

JM: Because it means they can't hurt more people. 

* * *

MR: so. Is everyone doing ok? 

AS: Yeah? What's up Maria?

MR: Nothing, it just feels like it's been a while since we used the group chat

AS: There's literally a debate from two days ago whether or not Bella Swan needs a comeback novel

PS: No, my argument was that she needed a comic book sequel with her becoming a werewolf Slayer because the baby-imprinting is stupid and Jacob needs to die. And she divorces Edward but that can be another sequel. 

ES: Peggy, please 

MR: Hey, Theo, have you heard from Adrienne if it's cool I can go back to my apartment?

TB: Don't know don't fucking care 

AS: That's a new flavor. What happened? 

TB: Nothing. Just-Adrienne and I are fighting. 

AB: You need my help

TB: Not that this time, Aaron, thanks. 

AB: Alright.

AS: Is this about the whole thing about Lafayette and Adrienne dating? 

TB: Yes. 

ES: ...have you tried maybe... actually talking to her? 

TB: I did. 

AS: Face to face or texting 

TB: Fuck off

AS: Texting, then. 

TB: Fuck off.

AS: Have you met me? 

MR: Please don't fight in the group chat

ES: Have you tried maybe doing it face to face? Talking to her? 

TB: How do you guys know all this? 

ES: I don't keep anything from my sisters

AS: I'm staying out of this. It looks messy. 

MR: My apartment is being used for part of this right now. But how about a mediator? They can be useful. 

PS: Yeah, Dad uses them sometimes. It helps to have a neutral party in the room to help keep tempers down...

MR: And it may help to have someone who will be objective instead of subjective? 

TB: Where the hell am I going to find a mediator for this? 

AS: You're dating one. 

TB:...

AB: Yeah, I'm available. Let me know where&when. 

TB: Actually, uh

TB: Adrienne put a temporary block on my phone. 

AB: I'll text her when I'm out of class. 

TB: <3

AS: Gross. 

PS: Looks like you got involved anyway. 

AS: yeah, well, The professor isn't here in class yet. 

ES: Is that the one with the crypto-currencies? 

AS: No, it's my Global Litigation course, and it's weird cause it's Professor Chang hates tardiness

ES: Angelica

AS: It's true. He also hates dumb stereotypes or puns of his name. That and tardiness. Loves Global Litigation though. 

PS: What kind of pun can you do with Chang without being dickishly racist?

AS: His full name Hong Yen Chang.

MR: oh

TB: oh

ES: oh

PS: oh. 

AS: Yeah, there's a sign now forbidding people to make jokes about his name. 

PS: Wonder what's making him late? 

AS: who knows. 

* * *

JM: So, have they texted you? 

TJ: No, James. 

TJ: It may surprise you, but they hate my guts, you know. 

JM: Please don't tell me you went on a TV binge, watching that idiotic anime show.

TJ: Okay, one: I’m still heading back to my dorms. I was STUDYING at the cafe1

JM: You were looking for free hand-outs by flirting with the girls and now you’re heading back because you struck out.

TJ: Fuck off.

JM: I’m right, then. 

TJ: AND TWO : Naruto is life, believe it! 

JM: I have never been less attracted to you. 

TJ: What if I start ninja running. 

JM: why. why on Earth would you do that. 

TJ: Because of reasons

JM: That's not a fucking reason. You know this. 

TJ: lol I'ma do it in front of Alex and let him lose his shit

JM: Jesus fuck, Thomas, I have standards. 

TJ: And at this moment, I don't. 

TJ: And there's nothing wrong with Naruto, it's a story about a boy who was shunned and outcast by a village who despises him and becomes Hokage through perseverance and faith in humanity. Even though people hate him, he finds friendship and family at the end. And it doesn’t matter if he’s left alone and beaten and bruised or nearly drowns- it all turns out ok in the end. 

JM:... Thomas. 

TJ: It's a nice story. I like that, at least- that even though he's hated, he could still be loved. Sasuke is so fucking gay for Naruto though, Jesus Christ. 

JM: I'm coming over. 

TJ: ok.

JM: We'll watch Violet Evergarden, so you better have it on queue. 

TJ: Only if we can watch two episodes of One Piece afterwards. 

JM: Deal. 

* * *

AH: Hey why the FUCK did Thomas Naruto run past me?

JM: I fucking hate him right now. 

* * *

GL: So apparently Theo wants to apologize and we're having a meeting with Aaron as a mediator for next week. 

JL: Oh good, she wants to apologize

GL: yea

HM: Hey, I know Alex needed to do that weird thing, but do you want to do something that takes your mind off of things? 

GL: Honestly?

GL: I kind of want to try that axe-throwing game place and chill out there. 

HM: I am so fucking down. I also can get us in for free! 

JL: HELL YES SKIPPING CLASSES AND THROWING AXES

GL: Let me clean myself up and let's give Maria back her apartment. 

HM: Yeah, it looks like the worst of this has finally blown over. 

* * *

AH: I found out. 

JM: Send me the document, you fool. 

AH: No. It's

AH: Washington is leaving. He's resigning, and Jane Jefferson is taking his place. That's what the meeting is all about. Washington's cancer returned, and he had a tumor that's affecting his voice, and it may have spread to his lymphatic system systems system.

AH: Damnit, Madison, text something. You have a plan, right? 

AH: Madison 

AH: Madison, respond back. 

* * *

JM: You need to leave

TJ: what?

JM: switch degrees, move away, something. 

TJ: Uh, no? I like law? And here? Where the fuck are you, by the way? And What the hell are you asking me?

JM: Washington is leaving

JM: Jane is stepping up. As Head. 

JM: washington is leaving. 

TJ: I

TJ: oh god no.

TJ: no i 

  
  
  
  


TJ: jemmy

JM: I’m rushing over as fast as I can.

* * *

GW: Well, I handed in my resignation.

MW: How did it go?

GW: I'll be here until the end of the next month, and Jane will start next week, shadowing me. 

MW: Jane?

GW: Jane Jefferson II.

MW: Oh. Her.

GW: Patsy, please. It’s...definitely not ideal, but. The Dean likes her so unless there’s another candidate that magically appears before I leave, Jane is all the university got. 

MW: Alright...oh, Alex and Lafayette called.

GW: Oh, no. 

MW: Yeah, they were upset. 

GW: I told them in person. I had assumed they took it pretty well, but.

MW: Just got off the phone with a weeping Lafayette. 

GW: Well, shit. 

MW: I haven't heard anything from Alex.

GW: I'll...send a text to John

* * *

GW: Hello, John. Alexander may be under duress at this moment, if you can please check on him. Thank you. 

JL: Oh, sure, why? 

GW: Did either of them tell you? I would assume they did. 

JL: Tell me what? 

* * *

GL: Adrienne

GL: Adrienne pls respond

GL: I 

GL: oh god

GL: Wash is dying

AN: What? 

GL: Cancer I 

GL: Washington se meurt. il a un cancer et je ne suis vraiment pas dans un bon - oh mon dieu je ne peux pas envoyer de textos.

AN: Bon merde.

AN: Chéri, je suis là pour toi. Je me dirige vers toi. Êtes-vous à votre dortoir? Hercule est-il là?

GL: Oui, il est là. il flippe aussi. Je ne peux pas. Je ne. J'ai tellement peur, Adrienne, j'ai tellement peur. oh mon dieu, il a un cancer.

AN: Le cancer n'est pas toujours synonyme de mort?

GL: Il démissionne, Adrienne. Il quitte son emploi.

AN: Oh fuck. 

* * *

JL: Eliza come over to Alex and I dorm ASAP

JL: It's an emergency

JL: Wash has cancer again but worse so he's leaving and Alex is kind of having a huge meltdown I can't text for too much longer please hurry.

JL: We need you. 

ES: I'm running

* * *

TB: I'm coming over- Adrienne told me what's happening. 

AB: I'm fine. 

TB: I'm still walking over. 

AB: I'm fine

TB: Sweetheart. Let me help you. Because you're not fine. 

AB: No. 

TB: I'm walking faster. 

AB: ok. 

* * *

AB: Can you do something about this?

JM: I can't. I can't do anything about this. 

JM: This is completely out of my control.

* * *

HM: I'm with Lafayette and Adrienne, how's Alex?

JL: Bad. Eliza is also here but he's really out of it. He moved from the panic attack mode and into angry writing mode so he keeps scribbling cancer over in his notebooks and every time we try to get close to him, he yells. How's Lafayette?

HM: Having a massive emotional breakdown. I've been subtly hiding the danger objects. Adrienne has really been a MVP here. 

JL: Oh yeah, she's definitely staying if she's here for a breakdown.

HM: I think she really cares for Lafayette. It's kind of surprising how quickly though. 

JL: I mean, I knew as soon as Alex entered the dorm. 

HM: Knew what?

JL: That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him

HM: Really?

JL: Oh yeah. Hit me fast and hard. Eliza said it took a bit longer, but for me, definitely immediately and I have no major regrets here. 

HM: That's adorable, the fuck. Oh shit, I need to go back. 

JL: Yeah, I'm tag-teaming out Eliza so she can get some food and stuff for us. Check in later

HM: Check in later.

* * *

GW: Alexander. I know you're busy

AH: What do you need, sir? 

AH: sir?

GW: I need a favor

AH: whatever you need sir. 

GW: I need you to help me draft an address- looks like the Dean wants one more speech and well...you were always the most persuasive essayist. 

AH: Sir, I was thinking- maybe you can- maybe hold off resigning? 

GW: Alex, if I could, I would. But... it's best if I get to leave before...well. 

AH: As far as anyone thinks, you have to serve- you could continue to serve 

GW: No, Alex, I will speak to the university one last time. And you're going to help me say goodbye. 

AH: Why do you have to say goodbye? Why now? 

GW: If I say goodbye, the department, in what I worked for and fought for, will move on, with it, it will outlive me when I'm gone. And... scripture says: "everyone shall sit under their own vine, and fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid"

GW: And I want to do that. I want to sit under my own vine and fig tree, have a moment alone in the shade, one last time. 

AH: Sir. You aren't dying. And, I don’t think Jane Jefferson II is a good choice if that’s your wish. 

GW:...Unfortunately, she’s the only candidate we have, Alexander. It's the Dean choice. My hands are tied. Now, Jane will be shadowing me next week, just a heads up. 

AH: Ah. Alright. 

GW: Thank you Alex. 

AH: Is- how long is the treatment? 

GW: Ah, it's longer and more intense- Martha and I are preparing for brain surgery. 

AH: I thought- I thought it was in your vocal box. I thought it was your throat I thought why vocal why brain? 

GW: There's a two inch tumor that's growing in my brain. That's what's been affecting my voice, among other things. The tremors in my hands- it's getting worse. 

GW: They're worried that it may spread, which is why I may be going through chemotherapy and radiation treatment afterwards. Which means I can't exactly teach, or run the department. 

GW: I apologise Alexander, I thought you knew when I said tumor. 

GW: Alex? 

AH: Hi, Mr. Washington, This is Eliza Schuyler. I'm so sorry about everything. I took Alex's phone because he's…well, it's bad. Um, if it's possible? If you have any other news, do you mind relaying to me first? He's not in a good headspace at the moment. 

GW: I. Yes. I can do that. 

ES: Thank you again, sir. And please, if you or Martha needs any assistance, I or John are more than willing to help you out, if Alex cannot help first. 

GW: Thank you Eliza, I'll tell Martha and keep that in mind. 

* * *

AH: Automated Response- Hey, just a heads up: for some weird reason I'm unavailable at the moment, so I can't respond to your texts. Don't worry, I'll respond as soon as I can- Thanks! 

* * *

PS: You ever wonder if like, we're officially in the Black Mirror universe? 

AS: Not now, Peggy

PS:? What's going on? It's been literally two hours since I texted, like, the fuck? 

AS: Washington has a brain tumor so he's resigning and there's a probability that he won't make it. 

PS:...what?

ES: Alex and Lafayette both had breakdowns and we're monitoring them because it was that bad. 

TB: Thomas literally disappeared with Madison- like his entire dorm is empty and apparently no one can contact them. Also, Aaron is pretty much in lockdown mode. 

AS: Jane Jefferson is the only candidate, so she'll be coming in as Head of Public Law. Which is a joke, because she has literally made at least four families homeless with her persecution. I think she's worse than Thomas. 

ES: That's what's going on. 

PS: ...what the fuck. 

**Author's Note:**

> So. 
> 
> Yeah. Y I K E S. 
> 
> What will happen next? Will Jane Jefferson become the new Dean? What happened to Thomas and Madison? Will George Survive? 
> 
> Do y'all think I'm really going to leave it at that? Who knows. 
> 
> Someone wrote a lovely comment on my last fic, and just- thank you. Also thank you for those who give me kudos, or just read and stay silent, because no matter what, I adore you all. 
> 
> Also of note- Adrienne refered to herself using a slur, which, generally speaking, isn't ok, but please keep in mind that she uses the word for her own beliefs that I will not write in this tiny note section. 
> 
> As for their argument: ngl, as a trans dude, I definitely do not want to get pregnant, and everyone had the right to make their own decisions on their own bodies.


End file.
